What exactly are the mechanics of oral sex?
So, you’re interested in how oral sex works. Awesome! Oral sex can be an immensely pleasurable experience for both parties, but it can seem like a daunting task, еspecially if you are unfamiliar with the topic.
Foreplay. Is. Important. A nice makeout session beforehand can make you and your partner more comfortable and can ease any awkwardness. It can also help start to lubricate/harden your partner. A steamy makeout sesh allows both of you to get into a rhythm, and start exploring the possibility of below-waist nudity.
Before delving into the realm of oral sex, it’s good to know that oral can be its own entire experience, as well as a precursor to intercourse. That is why communication before and during can be incredibly helpful for determining each party’s expectations going into the act of oral sex. Moreover, communication during head can be sexy, and words of affirmation can especially make your partner more aroused. Humming and slurping are effective ways to create new sensations for your partner during oral sex. Eye contact, too, can really heat things up.
Regardless of your partner’s genitals, sex toys can be a fun way to spice up oral. Vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, and cock rings can be used in tandem with your tongue and hands to create a gratifying experience.
Lastly, protection is important, even when it's just oral. Dental dams and condoms can help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, like syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and herpes, which can all be transmitted by saliva and genital secretions, and can also be a fun addition (hello flavored condoms).
On a Penis:
For oral sex on a penis, lubrication is KEY. Whether with saliva or oral lube, the wetter the better. It helps prevent painful friction and can make sliding your lips down the shaft much easier.
Perhaps the hardest part about oral sex on a penis is avoiding accidentally using teeth, which can scrape and hurt your partner. One simple solution is to cover your teeth with your lips (pretend as though you are dabbing lipstick on a napkin or making the “p” sound–that exact lip position) when sliding down, and creating suction when coming up (pretend you’re sucking on a straw). Keep your tongue relaxed and resting on the bottom of your mouth, or if you are worried about gagging while giving head, one trick is to place the tip of your tongue on the back of the roof of your mouth and let the tip of the penis hit the bottom of your tongue instead of your throat.
While using your mouth during oral is obviously crucial, your hands can also be an incredibly useful tool. You can lightly fondle their balls or grip the bottom of the shaft, squeezing while rotating your wrist. While your hands are on their shaft, you can move them up and down along the length of the penis in tandem with your mouth to create a wide array of sensations.
Some fun tongue play can also spice up oral sex on a penis. Paying special attention to the bottom of the penis where the foreskin connects to the head (called the “frenulum” –a very sensitive spot with many nerve endings) can lead to a pleasurable feeling for the owner of the penis. In addition, if you are feeling especially bold (and communicate with your partner), anal rimming and taint play–using your tongue or fingers to stimulate the anus and taint (tissue between the anus and penis), respectively–can be an exciting addition to oral sex.
Lastly, the big finale, the orgasm, can lead to questions regarding what to do with the resulting semen. Spitting and swallowing are NOT the only options, so never feel pressured into allowing your partner to finish in your mouth if you do not want them to. Having them cum onto your hand, face (avoid eyes), or body can be a sensual experience, especially if you would prefer to avoid consuming the semen.
On a Vulva:
First and foremost, finding the clit should be #1 on your list for vaginal oral sex to do’s. The clit is a pea sized piece of tissue that contains many nerve endings and is a vital erogenous zone for people with vaginas. Everyone’s vagina is different, so communication is the best way to ensure maximum pleasure. The clitoris is generally located near the top of the vulva where the two sides of the inner labia meet. To help find the clit before oral, you can explore the area with your finger while watching the response of your partner/communicating with them about what feels the best. It is important to note that not everyone enjoys direct stimulation of the clitoris, as it can be overwhelming (they may prefer stimulation of the clitoral hood or the area directly surrounding it instead). So, communication and a gentle touch to begin is necessary.
Once you find the clit and are ready to engage in oral sex, there are a few moves you can try out on your partner. Moving your tongue up and down, side to side, and in a circle around the clit are some basic movements to incorporate. You can also try sucking on the clit with your lips, and, if communicated with your partner, you can lightly bite or skim the clit with your teeth.
Using your hands during oral can be a fun way to incorporate other sensations into the experience. You can grip your partner’s thighs/hips, play with their nipples, or even penetrate their vagina/anus with their consent.
A quick tip for oral on a vulva: even if your partner seems to be getting close to an orgasm, it does not necessarily mean to go harder or faster, unless they explicitly ask for you to change either variable. If they are close, the best thing to do is keep up the established rhythm and be attentive to your partner’s cues.