** This response was originally published on November 2, 2020 under "Ask Ang" **
Question: Is scissoring a thing?
Yes.... but honestly, really no.
It’s definitely incorrect to think of scissoring as the equivalent of the ‘main event’ of sex for two people with vaginas. However, this is still a pretty common conception for two reasons. First of all, we’ve been brought up with the idea that sex always equals penetration. But the wide landscape of LGBTQ+ sex is evidence that that’s not necessarily true. Second of all, vulva-to-vulva scissoring may seem like the closest thing to penetration that two people with vaginas can do. But that’s also definitely not true!
For these reasons (and more, who knows :/ ) mainstream lesbian porn directed by and aimed at heterosexual men fixates on scissoring. They somehow decided that aggressive vag-grinding is what defines queer sex within a framework of cisgender, heterosexual sex. THIS kind of scissoring is not a ~thing~. It’s physically awkward when it comes to angles. It comes with the risk of STI transmission. It’s generally inefficient in bringing you or your partner to orgasm, and there are simply much better, hotter things to do with your partner’s vagina. That’s not to say that partners with vaginas never ever scissor and never will. Some might try it once or even a few times. This is in no way an attempt to invalidate those who do prefer to scissor (carry on consensually!). Most partners with vaginas just don’t typically make it a regular part of their sex lives.
Often grinding and rubbing one’s clit on their partner naturally becomes a part of foreplay, but I believe this is different from the distinct act of ‘scissoring’ you’re asking about. LGBTQ+ sex and sexuality are still so underrepresented in popular media and sex education-- and when they are represented, it is often done poorly. It’s okay, good even, to question our notions of what ‘sex’ and ‘virginity’ mean and how we can tailor them to be more accurate and inclusive. If you are exploring this aspect of your sexuality for the first time, I’d encourage you to check out Georgetown’s LGBTQ Center or keep asking us questions here at Ask Ang!