Ask Ang March 19th: Partner vs. Solo Orgasms
I'm a bisexual cis man. While I've never had that much difficulty reaching orgasm when I masturbate, I have never really been able to finish during sex with a partner (I have been unable to with partners of multiple genders). I'm not really a fan of goal-oriented sex, but I feel it's an expectation as a cis man that I finish when having sex with a partner. Why can't I finish when I'm with someone else, what can I do to increase my ability to orgasm with a partner, and how can I communicate my difficulty to my partners who expect me to cum?
It is not uncommon to have difficulty bridging the gap between solo sex and partner sex, and some experimentation may be necessary. First, it’s important to communicate your true needs to your partner. Make sure you talk about your exact preferences with your partner and learn theirs as well. Assure your partner that your inability to reach climax with them is not a fault of theirs, but that you have always had trouble finishing with a partner and want to figure it out with them.
Try incorporating self pleasuring into sex as a bridging method. You can try masturbating to finish in your partner’s presence. Some couples enjoy mutual masturbation as an orgasming technique. You may also engage your partner in this process by inviting them to participate orally or with additional manual stroking. Keep in mind that other factors, such as certain medications, can also affect your ability to orgasm in certain situations, so consider bringing this issue up to your doctor. They can likely offer suggestions, and possibly refer you to specialists or psychotherapy.
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