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Ask Ang 11/25: Difficulty Reaching Climax during Oral Sex

When my partner eats me out, I have trouble reaching orgasm even though he’s open and receptive to communicating about and during it. As a cis man, he has no problem reaching orgasm during intercourse or oral and I feel like there’s an imbalance, even though he tries. I also feel like I put a lot of pressure on myself to reach orgasm through oral, and I don’t really know what else to do!

First of all, you’re not alone. What you’re describing actually has a technical term: it’s called the orgasm gap, and it’s the difference between how much men and women climax. Studies have shown that around 60 percent of heterosexual women orgasm during sex, while over 80 percent of men do, no matter their sexual orientation. Furthermore, many women, like yourself, do put more pressure on themselves to orgasm.

It seems like you and your partner are already pretty communicative. However, there is always room for more communication. If you think communication is not the issue, try taking inventory of what sex positions, acts, and movements feel the best for you. Maybe oral sex isn’t the way to go for you to reach orgasm - and that’s completely fine. Each person has different ways of receiving and fulfilling pleasure, and just because your partner has no problem reaching orgasm through oral sex doesn’t mean you do as well. Trying out different sexual acts and sex toys and exploring what exactly your partner does during oral that gives you the most pleasure may help you to better figure out how to reach orgasm during oral.

Lastly, the pressure you’re putting on yourself to reach orgasm through oral may be inhibiting you from actually climaxing. Take some of the pressure off! If your partner truly cares about your pleasure and your needs, which it sounds like he does, you should not feel pressure to perform. Truly embracing your pleasure and not worrying about whether it will end in climax may help you relax to reach orgasm.

We hope this week’s edition of Ask Ang was helpful! If you have a question, please submit it to!

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