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Overcoming Barriers to Orgasm: Ask Ang 11/14

Do you have tips on overcoming mental barriers to orgasm? I have never experienced an orgasm and have experimented greatly lol. Every time I feel I am close I stop/tell my partner to stop.

First of all, facing mental and/or physical barriers to orgasm is extremely common. You’re not alone in your challenges, and there are many steps you can take to work toward reaching the goal of that first big O!

To start, it’s important to look at what kind of barriers you might be facing. Some of these could include body image and self-esteem issues, sex-negative feelings and beliefs, mental health illnesses, stress, and performance anxiety. If you can understand what barriers you’re facing, it may be easier to approach them and work to break them down.

If you think that self-esteem issues might be stopping you from reaching orgasm, the best way might just be to make some noise. Being loud could cause you focus more on the noise you’re making than the way your body looks, and hopefully make it possible for you to orgasm with your partner. Of course, living with roommates, in apartment buildings, or dorms might make it difficult to be loud.

Tackling sex-negative beliefs can be difficult simply because they tend to develop at a young age. But with work, it can be done! A good way to do this is to allow pleasure to inhibit guilt and not the other way around. To do this, you can work your way up to a point where you feel aroused but not guilty, so that you’re adjusting to experiencing pleasure without guilt. Hopefully, this could condition you to associate pleasure with contentment rather than shame.

If you think mental health could be the reason that you haven’t experienced an orgasm yet, the best way to work on overcoming that is to talk to your physician or therapist. If you haven’t been diagnosed with a mental health concern or illness yet, but believe that your mental barriers could be a result of one,