Ask Ang February 11th: First-Time Sex
Welcome to Ask Ang, your anonymous campus sexual health resource, brought to you by H*yas for Choice. We are made up of a team of undergraduate students who work to answer your sex questions! We post questions and answers weekly on Sundays.
Anyone can submit a question, and the anonymous form can be found here: www.tinyurl.com/askang.
I’m a current sophomore and I’ve never had sex. I always thought the first time should mean something but now i’m thinking I should just go for it. However I feel like it’s not entirely acceptable to talk about being a virgin and I also have no idea what to expect. How should one deal with the idea of “virgin shaming” and how can I get a better idea of what i’m in for when I actually have sex?
There is no shame in being a virgin, and you are not alone. College is an environment that can seem hyper-sexual with its hookup culture, but in reality tons of people are still virgins. Virginity has come to mean more than it should in today’s society, and there is an unnecessary pressure to “get rid of it," but it really is not something to be ashamed of.
It’s okay for you to want your first time to mean something, or not! However, it is important to note that if your potential sexual partner makes you feel uncomfortable for being a virgin, shames you for it, or pressures you to have sex when you don’t really want to, you deserve better. Sex should feel comfortable and safe. And you’re right, part of that comes from knowing a little about what to expect. Deciding when to have sex is a personal choice.
It's up to you to decide when you are ready and when you want to, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I think it is important to know that sex is not exactly what it is chalked up to be in popular culture, movies, and porn. First times can be awkward, underwhelming, and flawed. My advice in order to avoid some of this potential awkwardness and disappointment is to let your partner know that you are nervous or inexperienced beforehand (if you do not want to outright say you are a virgin), take it at your own pace (foreplay is great to get more comfortable and aroused), use protection, relax (laugh off awkward moments!), and communicate with your partner. If anything makes you uncomfortable or simply does not feel good, let your partner know or suggest trying something else!<