Ask Ang November 5: Sexual Anxiety, IUD Bleeding, and Oral Reciprocity!
Welcome to Ask Ang, your anonymous campus sexual health resource, brought to you by H*yas for Choice. We are made up of a team of undergraduate students who work to answer your sex questions! We post questions and answers weekly on Sundays. Anyone can submit a question, and the anonymous form can be found here: www.tinyurl.com/askang.
cw: sexual coercion (question one)
1. Now that I'm in college and learning more about relationships, I'm realizing that my aversion to and anxiety about sex is probably due to a previous unhealthy relationship where my boyfriend (unsuccessfully) attempted to make me do sexual things I did not want to do. How can I overcome my fears about sex?
It’s great that you are able to reflect on your past sexual experiences to see that you want and deserve a healthy, fully consensual sex life. It sounds like trust played a big part in your relationship, and this is likely why you feel so anxious about sex now: you weren’t able to trust your partner in the past, so now it is difficult to trust anyone who might be your partner. Unfortunately, trust can be very difficult to build, so there won’t be any quick fixes. What you can do is try and start building trust with your community here at Georgetown. A completely random hookup might not be the best place to start, but that doesn’t mean you need to find a serious partner right away. Be it no interpersonal relationships, casual hookups, monogamy, polyamory, or anything else, there are all sorts of relationship configurations that might work for you!
Beyond figuring out healthier relationship configurations for you, you also need to figure out what you want sexually. If having sex with other people is what you’re looking for, it’s important to learn about your own body, so that you can better communicate to your partner(s) what does and doesn’t feel good. Exploring your own body is a great way to build confidence and trust with yourself, even if having sex isn’t what you want. But if masturbation isn’t your thing, it’s still super important to have a relationship with your own body built on comfort and respect, and not shame and fear.
Finally, it’s importa